So I am reading the quintessential bible of baby massage, called "Infant Massage: A Handbook for Loving Parents" by Vimala McClure. Since the boys are ridiculously gassy, I figured they might benefit from some leg and tummy massage. There is a special chapter on prematurity that I literally just started reading, and the way McClure describes premature birth is perhaps the best I've seen it described. She writes:
"When a baby arrives into the world long before she is expected, the best-laid plans are obliterated. The quiet, warm, joyous welcome hoped for is abruptly replaced by a kind of violence we never imagined"(157).
I had never before heard the word 'violence' used to describe premature birth, but it is absolutely appropriate. There is a rushed and hectic atmosphere in the operating room, and the room is jam packed full of various hospital personnel. There is not even a question of what will happen after the birth, your babies are immediately hooked up to life-saving medical equipment. Your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are completely ignored for the health of your baby. It is necessary, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't make it any easier to handle. Especially with Gabe's emergency C section, he was literally ripped out of me in order to save his life. Violence indeed. Hearing it described this way makes me feel a bit more validated, that maybe I'm not crazy after all for having lasting effects from the whole experience. Perhaps that will help you all to understand why sometimes I seem 'stuck' on their prematurity.
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