The Circ.

Yesterday was the big day - Isaac's circumcision day. My poor bean. He was only 4lb14oz when he was discharged from the NICU, and that is apparently too small to be circumcised in the hospital. The staff said our pediatrician would do it. But of course, ours does not. So she referred us to the Children's hospital. Which is fine, I am obviously comfortable having the urology department of a major hospital perform my son's circumcision. But since it is a major hospital, it took a long time to get in for appointments. We had to do an 'evaluation' appointment, which, after schlepping both kids over to the hospital and up to the outpatient clinic, took all of 5 minutes for the doc to say "yep, looks like he has a normal penis!". DUH. I could have told you that. Oh, and side note; Gabe was big enough at discharge, so he got circumcised in the NICU.

Anyhoodle. So we take Isaac in yesterday. We go back to the little exam room, they weigh him (11lbs1oz!) and give him some Tylenol (seriously, Tylenol. Don't they make baby morphine!?!?!). The nurse explains that they will give him a local anesthetic, a shot in the groin. Then they do the procedure, using this plastic bell device. It sounds horrible. Then the nurses says "it's time" and lets me kiss kiss kiss him before she takes him away. He just looks at me with the normal curious wide eyed look. I feel AWFUL. I just about had a panic attack...thank God Steve was there to take care of Gabers. About 10 minutes later, they bring Isaac back, screaming, red, tears streaming down his sweet little face. I grab him into my arms, shower him with kisses, and cry.

The rest of the day was rough, he cried whenever he was awake, but we kept giving him Tylenol for the pain every 4 hours. Steve had to change his first few diapers, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

What a horrible experience. I mean, everyone at the hospital was very nice. But it was just so hard to do, bring him in, knowing what they are going to do. If we were not Jewish, there is NO WAY I would ever do this to my son. In fact, if I'd have known a couple months ago that it would take this long to get him an appt, I might not have done it, and never had Gabe circumcised either.

I feel like it was much harder for me to make this decision for Isaac than for Gabe. With Gabe, he was still in the NICU, I hadn't yet formed a strong relationship with him. I only saw him in two hour increments really, I didn't know his personality. It was just another hospital procedure. But with Isaac, he's been at home for months. I know he is the needier baby, always wants to be held, especially by daddy. Having to take him to the hospital and hand him over to strangers just ripped me apart inside, I felt like my heart was breaking. I know it sounds dramatic, but as a NICU mommy, everything hospital related just sets off these waves of emotion and anxiety.

Today has been better for him, he's back to normal (with the aid of the baby Tylenol). My sweet little bean. I also called the Rabbi yesterday and set the date for their Hebrew naming, in a month-ish. I am excited, it will be a beautiful ceremony, during Friday night Shabbat services. At least the hard part is over. Poor little bean.