Gabriel's Story

To Gabriel:

My big boy. This is your story.

On April 21st, 2009, your father and I found out that I was pregnant. We were overjoyed. Then, on May 15th, we found out with much surprise that we were expecting twins! We were thrilled, but also terrified. I was unsure if my body could support two growing people, or if we would have enough love for two babies. Our fears quickly went away as you and your brother started to grow inside me. I didn't feel you as much as I felt your brother during my pregnancy, because your placenta, which supplied you with food, was in the front of my tummy. But I distinctly remember the first time daddy felt you kick - it was early morning, sometime in mid August. We were laying in bed together, just having woken up, and you started to move around, way over on my left side. I quickly grabbed your dad's hand and put it on my belly, and sure enough *kick* he felt you. His eyes lit up, he was so happy.

Everything was going quite well with my pregnancy until I was about 25 weeks pregnant. We went in for a routine ultrasound, and it showed that my body was preparing to give birth, but it was way too early. So I was admitted to the hospital, and I had to get some painful shots called betamethasone that were to help your lungs develop. The hospital was a dreary place to be, but every morning the nurse came in to put monitors on my tummy, and I got to hear your heartbeats. It was such an amazing thing to hear, so beautiful. Two strong little hearts, beating away. After a week, the doctors saw that my body was no longer changing, so I was allowed to go home on strict bedrest. I could only get up to shower and use the bathroom, and your dad had to completely take care of me. He brought me salami sandwiches, french toast, and Dr. Pepper, which was what I craved! I laid on my left side all day and night. After 5 weeks, I started getting these regular crampy feelings, and I knew it was time to go to the hospital. I was 30 weeks pregnant.

Grampy drove me to the hospital, and there the nurses told me that I was indeed in labor. They had to put a needle in my hand to give me a medication called magnesium sulfate to try and stop my labor, because it was 10 weeks too soon. The medication made me feel very sick, and I also had to get more betamethasone shots. I stayed on that medicine for three days. Finally, on October 19th, you and your brother decided not to wait any longer, and the medication stopped working. The doctors wheeled me back to the operating room, and in about 6 or 7 pushes, your brother was born. The doctors immediately put the ultrasound machine on my tummy to see where you were. You had flipped around so your head was by my ribcage and your feet were down in my pelvis. Every time I had a contraction, your umbilical cord got pinched and it cut off your supply of oxygen. The doctors tried to turn you around by pushing on you from outside my tummy, but it didn't work. So they had to do an emergency surgery to get you out of my tummy. At 11:40pm, a half hour after your brother, you were born, weighing 4lbs even and 17 3/4 inches long. You were not breathing very well and you were blue. Your father and I were very happy but very scared because you did not cry right away, as your brother had. I remember asking the nurses "why isn't he crying?". The doctors had to use a special oxygen mask to help you breathe, and they had to suction out your mouth. Once that was done, you started screaming to let us know you were OK, and we were so relieved!

They then took you to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) to take care of you while they finished my surgery. When they were done, daddy wheeled me in to see you. You needed a little bit of extra oxygen to help you breathe, so they had you hooked up to a CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine. It blew air with more oxygen into your nose. Apparently you didn't like it being on your face, and you kept opening your mouth and the extra oxygen would flow out. They had to put a padded chin strap on you to keep you from doing that. You also had two IV lines in your belly button, one to measure your blood pressure, and one to give you food, because you were too little to suckle. It was very hard for me to see you hooked up to all this equipment, and I felt guilty for delivering you so early. When we were visiting you that night, I put my finger in your little hand, and you grabbed onto me. You were showing me that you knew I was there and that I was your mommy. I cried, because I was both sad and happy at the same time.

The nurses told us that you were having retractions, meaning that you were sucking in your little chest muscles every time you breathed. It meant that you were working harder than you needed to be, so something was wrong. The doctor told me that they might have to intubate you, meaning put a breathing tube down your throat and hook you up to a machine that breathed for you. They would have done that in order to give you a medicine called surfactant, which helps you breathe better. But luckily, you did OK enough on your own, the retractions went away, and they never had to intubate you. Again, your father and I were very relieved.

You were a little less stable than your brother, so I didnt get to hold you until October 24th, when you were six days old. Not only did I get to hold you, but I got to do kangaroo care with you! That was when they stripped you down to your diaper, and I took off my shirt, and they placed you skin to skin on my chest, putting a blanket over us. You loved it, and it was so comforting to me. You started gaining weight quickly, and we took to calling you "chunks" or "chunkster" on account of your chunky cheeks! When you were 32 weeks gestation, two weeks old, I breastfed you for the first time. Your father and I loved to give you bottles too, but it was scary sometimes because you would often stop breathing and your heart rate would drop. We had to pace you very carefully while you ate so this would not happen. It took you several weeks, but you eventually figured out how to suck, swallow, and breathe all at the same time. You had your own schedule that you were going by, and no one was going to tell you what to do and when!

You and your brother were six weeks old when he came home. The day I came to pick him up, I sat and held you and cried because I had to leave you there. I tried to come see you every day, but sometimes I couldnt, because we were taking care of your brother. I felt so bad every time we couldnt make it to see you. I called to check on you twice daily though, and the nurses reassured me that you were their "cuddle buddy" because you loved for them to hold you. There was also an aquarium cradle swing that they used in the NICU, and you loved to be sat in that swing and rocked gently side to side.

Towards the end of your NICU journey, you stopped eating well, and the nurses knew something was wrong. It turns out that you had a bad bladder infection, and they put you on several antibiotics immediately. I was really upset to hear about this, knowing that you were in pain and that there was nothing I could do for you. Honestly though, you did not seem that bothered by it, aside from some of the diagnostic procedures that you had to go through. Finally, on December 19th, 2009, a week before your due date (which was Christmas Day), you got to come home. At discharge, you weight 8lbs. 1oz., more than double your birthweight! Daddy went to pick you up, because I was sick and had a fever and the staff wouldnt let me into the NICU. We were so excited to have you home!

When you got home, we immediately took you into the bedroom and laid you on the bed next to Isaac. You two had not seen each other or been together since being in my tummy. You each turned your heads and looked at each other, and flailed your little arms, and you would get so excited when you accidentally touched! You seemed to recognize each other right away.

We went through so much together when you were in the hospital. I appreciate you just that much more, having had you taken away from me at birth. It changed my life having you, not just because we were having children, but because you were born so early. You are a part of my soul, sweet boy, and it physically hurt me to be apart from you. I missed you constantly, and felt so empty leaving the hospital every night without you in my arms. You two are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I thank God every day that you are healthy, and that I am lucky enough to have you in my life. I love you.